07.09.02

dear body,

i'm sorry for spending so much time hating parts of you. i'm sorry for filling you with diet pills, too much caffeine, too many cigarettes, for starving you, overstuffing you, for making you throw up, for feeding you with food when what you wanted was comfort andlove.

i'm sorry for cutting and burning my anger into you, for hiding you in shapeless clothes, for refusing to let the beauty that you do have show. i'm sorry for overexercising you, for neglecting the calls you send to me, for refusing to accept you.

i want you to know that i appreciate that you have kept on going this long. that you keep my heart beating, that you allow me to run, to dance, to walk anywhere i need to go, to carry things, to hug, to make love, to laugh, to feel pleasure, to kiss, to touch, to feel.

every day you make my life possible through your intricate and intimate functionings and movements, yet i only return to you a passionate fury of loathing.

to my poor belly, which is the subject of monologues on excess. to my thighs which carry me up hills. to my hips, which spin and circle with me as i dance.

i wish i could occupy you joyfully, dear body. to fill all of your precious curves and valleys with confidence and ease. i wish i could stop fighting you and hurting you in my efforts to mutilate my own spirit.

i know i have treated you with no integrity and i am sorry. i wish that i could promise you, "never again." but each day i will try to love you the best that i know how, because i appreciate all that you do, and you are truly wonderful just the way you are.

dear body of mine, may we sometime soon dance together in peace and freedom.

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love,

moonbird

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